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So there I was, spatting on Ash's forhead and hawking loogies that were preparing for the long journey down ashes throwt. By this time, Ash's face is spotted with already clotting blood and stains of his own tears. In the midst of the spat, I realized I was letting my emotions get the best of me... anciant Ninjinian texts read of a lost art form of extended torchure. Oh, how forgetful of me! So i decided to back off a bit and compose myself. I then began the long process of what the elders call, Chinees Spat Tourchure. This entails a spinning wooden touchure wheel that I bought from my local spy shop and a simple mouthful of spit. Step one: Bound your opponent to the wheel. Step two: Turn him upside down with the wheel handles. Step three: Through a straw, spat a mouthful of spit into the opponents nose. Step four: Nose bubbles and hilarity ensuse. After what seemed like hours of bubbly noises, i began to fade back to earlier in the envening.... (fade to black) (fade back three hours earlier) So there I was, pulling out of the In-and-Out burger when this pretty sharp looking marroon twinturbo pulls up beside me. At first glance, this Z looked pretty decent, and I was about to give the man a thumbs up, UNTIL i noticed the ghetto, gay ass woodgrain in his car!!!! Can you belive this queer dumbass riceburner? Defiying all that is good in the world and all that the Z represents? What was this butt pirate thinking???? Was he under sum illution thinking he was in a pimped out escallade? No if you now me, you now that i will not put up with skirvey homos who defile the sacredity of the almighty Z!!!! A war was brewing in my loins. I was one link in a chain away from totally anighalating this sorry excuse for a Z owner. My mind zaps back to my teachings of my Ninjinian master opponent....STAY CALM...breath...live...and eat this big ass cookie. I felt the haterd subsiding. I felt merciy within reach. At last, peace had taken over my mind. I feel no feel no hatred towards my mislead Z brethern. As I was about to give a thumbs up to the driver, i noticed a strange sticker next to his console that read "Intel Inside". I then made out the rest of the objects around his dash! It was a CARPOOTER!! Normally this would not have offended me. But since he wrapped his display in WOODGRAIN, this enfuriated me too infinit infinite anger. As I begin to roll down my window to verably abuse this ass rammer, the man begins to rev his engine at me! This will not stand! This aggession will not stand man!!!! He actually thought his car worthy of racing me! By the way, I drive a 1995 300ZX Twin turbo stage 19 with newly equipted front light lube sprayers. My plan was already formulating by the time Ash took off. My plan was simple. Let the fool think he was winning, then surprise him from the rear. I let him get about three car lengths in front of me, before a activated my front lube sprayers. I then depressed my afterburner clutch spring and popped the rpms over redline and let the touque thrust. I quicky switched lanes behind him and proceeded to spray lube all over his rear. Without hesitation, a rammed ash from the rear. I heard a slight gasp from ash and could see by the single tear in his eye that he was experiencing pain never before felt. Then I thought to myself, enough foreplay, let's get it on! I proceeded around the bastardized z car and let loose some slippery goo. Ash's Z went into uncontrolable spins. By the time he got his car rebooted, he was slammed face first into a big oak tree. Now it was time to get nasty. I radioed my police officer friend to bring the van around. This was going to take a while. Pedro arrived with a chainsaw, some dental floss, a small feret and some rope. Without even instructing the feret of his orders, he violently erups into ash's ass, burrowing himself deeper and deeper inside the mans corn hole. If not for the ungodly screams of the feret, Ash's scream would have been heard by passerbys. While the feret was performing anal on Ash, i decided to walk out to Ash's car. I ripped out the computer circuitry boards and carried them back to the touchure van. When I stepped inside I found Pedro attempting to remove his feret from Ash's ass. As he tusseled with the furry creature, and yanked with all his might, a fairly large fuzzy gerbil popped out. Pedro exclaimed, "what the fuck?!? what did you do with my beloved feret?" Ash whined back, "your damn feret was having sex with my pet gerbil inside my ass!!" Pedro then replied, "i want my feret back...you better push harder!" and then gave Ash a stick to bite on. After 6 hours ash finally gave birth to Pedros frightened and exhausted feret.
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Oh the joys of ramming ash! - 
22:07:15 01/08/03
